I do not iron.
Please don’t get the wrong impression, actively choosing not to iron doesn’t necessarily mean looking scruffy…
I just hate ironing
They say ‘hate’ is a strong word don’t they. So, on that basis, I wouldn’t say I actually ‘hate’ much. I mean school work isn’t my favorite. I don’t really enjoy staying up all night with a 15 month old and then having the seven year old declare it’s morning at 5.45 am. I certainly wouldn’t say I get overly excited about changing shitty nappies. But I wouldn’t say I hated these things, doing them isn’t necessarily the end of the world really, is it?
But ironing, that’s up there with wearing heals and drinking cold tea. Yes, I really hate ironing. So I just don’t do it. Unfortunately, this way of thinking doesn’t sit well with things like bedtime routines, being responsible for cooking nutritionally balanced meals every night of my life or being the only person in the house who can work the washing machine. That’s because these things skim the top of the ‘strongly dislike’ list but they are also on the ‘suck it up and get on with it’ list.
Ironing on the other hand is one of those things I might do, say once every three years or something like that, maybe, sometimes, kind of, OK, I don’t. Luckily, I don’t have a social life so I don’t tend to have the need for overly straight clothes. Telling people I actually iron would be like telling them I dabble in kung fu. It’s VERY unlikely.
Just to clarify, I own an iron, I bought it for £3 about 15 years ago and it’s still like new. It lives under my sink and it’s lasted longer than my hairdryer, overall it was a good investment. I even own an ironing board, I know, the shock! This acts as a great makeshift modeling table for the husband when he wants to combine trains with TV. However, it’s only on a very rare occasion that these two house hold items will appear in the same room, at the same time, for their actual intended purpose.
I know by sharing the whole ‘I don’t iron’ thing most people will pull that ‘you don’t iron, what the fuck?’ face. Don’t worry, I’ve seen it many times and I don’t take offence. Usually, once the initial shock has subsided I’ll catch people giving me a sly glance, trying to spot the creases that haven’t purposely been ironed into my outfit. I’ll let you into a secret – there isn’t any.
Totally acceptable reasons not to Iron
distancing from the kids and you grab
the washing.”
- I don’t particularly like ironing. I guess this is true for a lot of people. Therefore, why do it? Let’s throw that iron to the wind (not literally of course) and embrace an iron free life, trust me, its worth it
- It’s so boring. Now I appreciate a lot of people will combine ironing with say, TV watching. But if I am doing some TV watching, which is a rare thing because there is basically just shit on TV, I do not want to iron at the same time. I want to sprawl out on the sofa while the kid uses me as a personal climbing frame and slowly rips every single strand of my hair from my head while sticking his big toe in my eye. This is much more appealing than ironing
- Ironing makes my back hurt. I’m sure a lot of people will say it’s because I’m not doing it right but really, is there a ‘right’ way to iron? – Oh and also, I don’t give a shit
- Why should I iron? By this I mean, why should I assume the role as head iron-er(?) in my house? No other person is my house is actually bothered enough to pick up the iron themselves. Why should I flap about it? (Granted this only applies to the husband since all the children are under the age of 7)
- Ironing eats into fun time. By fun time I mean sleeping, eating, having a wee, that sort of stuff. Obviously not actual fun, we don’t do that here on the Hill
- Whatever I iron will only need to be re-ironed in three days time anyway. What’s the point?
- I’m not currently in the market for a new hobby, say ironing for example
- I don’t iron, I shake. I am an excellent shaker, like really good. Shaking also helps with things like stress, anger management and when you feel like you might lose the plot because it’s week 14 of shielding and everyone else is just back to ‘normal’
- Shaking is good for the husband too. For example, on occasions when he might suggest I’d like to iron, if I’ve carried out some good shaking that day I have no more arm strength left to punch him
- If something really needed ironing and is left for long enough, there is a possibility that Grandma will just pinch the item from the washing line, iron it and send Grandad to quietly re-hang it. True story, this has happened on the Hill
- I have enough jobs to do which are actually essential to life, like keeping the kids fed, washed and basically alive, that sort of thing
My own comparisons to Ironing
They way I see it. Ironing is similar to those non-essential journey’s, shops and general ways of life we’ve been learning about in lockdown.
Ironing is like a trip to Ikea for a new bed or a sofa but also buying every fruity smelling candle in the joint. For basically, no reason what-so-ever.
Ironing is like when you eat all the kids chocolate and then spend the night regretting it (and making promises of going for a run in the morning).
If ironing was being re-introduced as part of the lockdown exit strategy it would be at stage a million.
Ironing is like taking pins and poking them in your eyes, to basically torture yourself and then doing it again in three days – with the same pins.
Ironing is like the perfect summer weather which makes your grass green and luscious, meaning you have to mow it every 3 days to maintain the stripes (or so I’m told), it’s a task which is simply never ending. I’d therefore recommend hiring a gardener for this one, thankfully I’m married to one but if you need recommendations… Just saying.
Alternatives uses for your Iron
- Propping the door open
- Paper weight
- Book proper-upper
- Frying eggs???
- Climbing rope for Mum’s who are trying to escape
- Surfboard for Mum’s who decide today is the day to live on the edge
- For taking up space in your under the sink cupboard
- To give the impression that you iron
- So you can claim you at least own one, just in case
I appreciate my outlook on the whole ironing thing doesn’t flow with my usual highly strung, going crazy, can’t relax or sing Shotgun in the car with the kids Mum image I usually portray. But I’ve made an exception for the worse house hold job man (yes I said MAN) has ever invented.
i am a man and i adore ironing. i recently went out and bought an extra wide and long ironing board. i was thrilled with it.also bought a new steam iron to. i love the heat the steam.the smell and the satisfaction it gives me to see my sexy white shirts bautifully ironed.razor sharp creases in the sleeves so sexy.