“oh, Desperados, Desperados, Desperados, Desperados!”. To be sung in a (badly) drunken Italian accent over the Christmas period when consuming far too many of the tequila flavoured fountain of life (a life with three kids that is). With a slight backing verse of “fuck you dry January, your inventor obviously had no children, stop making me feel guilty for all this drinking. And, whilst we’re at it, let’s have some more cheese too”.
Ah, Christmas, a full (nearly) two weeks from work, the food, the booze, the time and the sleep, all the sleep, oh the sleep! The games of monopoly (the Fortnite one which makes no sense), battleship and building all the things. Detaching a thousand of those plastic bits from all the cardboard in the world. Filling the neighbours recycling bins and the sharp realisation that anything glittery, sandy or slimy was not a good idea for the Girl. I miss it all.
I’d like to reminisce of walks had, but it pissed it down for all the days. I’d like to feel smug about tackling DIY, painting, grouting and filling, with high fives a plenty but this did not happen (see post title). I’d like to look back and see time well spent, meals pre-made, cleaning tackled, wood stores knocked up, coal bunkers repaired and garden fences built. Again, see post title (and rain – but mainly booze).
The sharp hit of reality stings like a bee and not in a good way, if such a sting even exists. The slap in the face of the school run, the return to the office which can only be described as slowly peeling a plaster from one’s face or perhaps sticking a needle in one’s eye. Oh how the dreary days of the first week dragged, the consumption of tea and constant nibble of any food found to be lurking in the draw being the only reprieve.
So, with a squinty eye and a horrified expression to anyone who’s “glad to be back”, anyone who claims to “thrive on routine” or “miss the normality”. Please note, I will only ever understand this to mean one of two things: said people have not ever experienced a school run and/or morning poops have resumed. Now, pass the lime and resume singing.
