Author: Becca

I'm a Mum, I live on a hill. I have three children and a husband. I am a solicitor and I also hold down a full-time job of cleaner, cook, appointment maker and teacher, like I said, I have kids and a husband.

Bad Mum/Real Mum wanna be a rapper Mum

Bad Mum/Real Mum wanna be a rapper Mum

Not saying it’s good but the First Born has gotta give me some credit surely…..dedicated to him, obvs…..


Wanna be a good Mum, not a bad Mum, fuck it, I’m real Mum

Embrace the crazy, my kids are lazy;

Passed out from exhaustion, red wine in the mornin’,

Sleep deprived, must have nine lives;

Another jazzy leggings day, never hit the hay;

Just a cleanin’ and gleanin’, livin’ like I’m dreamin’;

All about the easy peasy, feelin’ kinda breazy, lasagna like my attitude, both be all too cheesy;

Always in the wrong, keep going like I’m strong;

Never in the right, be up half the night;

Drivin’ up the wall, or on the school run haul;

I’m shouty and I’m doubty, kids are full on pouty;

The defeated, incompleted, live it and repeat-it;

I’m a Mum, I’ve grown a bum and a tum;

I come in peace, wear a fleese, mental stability decrease;

I’m a Mum, calm or a drunk, live on junk, in a funk or maybe a flunk?

Oh…what’s the blinkin’ difference, Mum!

Dressed in black, it’s a knack, provider of a thousand snacks.

Mum;

Feeling crazy, here’s a daisy, today I wish to just be lazy;

Good Mum, Bad Mum, just happy to be your Mum.

The shit they don’t tell you (part one)…

When you have babies everyone tells you to make the most of the now before that sweet little bundle of joy arrives. Make the most of the sleep filled nights, get that last bit of […]

Des-per-(don’t mind if I)-dos

“oh, Desperados, Desperados, Desperados, Desperados!”. To be sung in a (badly) drunken Italian accent over the Christmas period when consuming far too many of the tequila flavoured fountain of life (a life with three kids […]

The night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all up in my house,the kids more than crazy, a Mum that’s gone scouse. The stockings were hung, on door handles with care,good luck to Santa, not sure how […]

Bazookas

Don’t be a bumpkin, check yer pumpkins, squeeze them babies for odd little lumpkins. Big ones, thin ones, odd ones, twin ones. Droopy pairs, ones with hairs, those shaped like perfect pears. Lob them out, […]

Moaning Mum

I am gonna be real, I survive on tea, wine, chocolate and 3 hours sleep on a good night and I like to remind everyone about it. There is also often lots of shouting. Like […]

Dad is the shit

It’s Father’s Day and as any good wife, I promptly made my escape for my morning run and left the husband with a well deserved opportunity for some quality time with his three angels. My […]

Mother’s Day

It’s Mothers Day, hip, hip, hooray. Here come’s that one and only day, when you pray your kids will sincerely say, ‘put your feet up Mum’ and there you’ll stay. It’s a day different from […]

The Lockdown Mum

The ‘Lockdown Mum’. Not to be confused with the exhausted Mum, the at her wits end Mum or the eat her weight in wine gums Mum. No, the Lockdown Mum is an accumulation of all […]

Sleep oh Sleep, I miss you

I dedicate this one to the Kid and I write in a bid, to offer a reason for my tired old eyes, to explain why, I’m half asleep, most of the time. To give cause […]