Big change is coming. No longer can I go out and live the crazy, manic and joy filled social life I have been living for the past 7 years. I can no longer go to those big events, I mean the ones with actual adults and drinking and not school sports day. I certainly can’t take part in a mass sport event, so the Great North Run is out then, shame, this really was the year to tick that one off my bucket list. And that trip to the pub, you know that weekly trip out where we get drunk, buy chips on the way home then sleep all the following day is now on hold.
Sorry, I got carried away there remembering my pre-child filed life. Obviously (and as reassurance for anyone who was momentarily concerned that I abandoned my children or expected them to fend for themselves while I nursed a hangover) I do not on any occasion, birthday or otherwise, have any sort of social life. Instead I have kids. In fact if it wasn’t for my husband’s daily news updates, I wouldn’t actually have a clue we were even in the midst of a pandemic, it’s not exactly something they report on Cbeebies.
So what sort of change will really take place in my house, lets take a look:-
Pre-Pandemic – Sleep
Put the little one down to sleep for the night, get up 5 minutes later to re-settle, repeat 47 times before giving up and going to bed. Finally, settle said little one and crawl into bed exhausted, start to doze off only to be woken by a sound so horrifying it’s acceptable to believe some sort of wild animal is in the room trying to eat the kid. With a pounding heart, give up, throw the bugger in bed and pray for sleep. Proceed to be kicked in the face, tit, stomach and any other important body part for the rest of the night. Wake up delirious on several occasions in a panic that you have suffocated the kid, only to realise he’s just sleeping upside down with his toes up Dad’s nose, Dad doesn’t seem to mind, roll over and sleep for the last 5 minutes before the morning alarm goes off.
Post Pandemic – Sleep
Pretty much all of the above but also be following advise that sleep is a big factor in fighting ‘the virus’ and accept I am pretty much buggered on that front.
Pre-Pandemic – Exercise
Look in the mirror, poke wobbly bits, moan that you would love to do the Great North Run but never have time to ‘train’, you can’t exactly run with a baby sling on (can you?) drink tea and eat chocolate.
Post-Pandemic – Exercise
Do all of the above but also consume an entire family pack of Haribo while working from home.
Pre-Pandemic – Shopping
Put it off as long as possible, buy lots of shit, dread the delivery for the fear of having to make actual conversation with a real live person who doesn’t live in my house, swear constantly at all the substitutions they’ve sent, make an irate call to unmentioned supermarket.
Post-Pandemic – Shopping
Put it off as long as possible, log on to find there are no delivery slots for two weeks, panic then decide to send the husband for a click and collect. Log on the day before to be told they are out of wine, literally fall of the chair and start to cry. Completely forget toilet roll.
Pre-Pandemic – Going out
Pretty much includes school runs and traveling to and from work.
POST-Pandemic – Going out
Feel smug that that you can totally handle this one, since the last time you went out was 2011.
