Jazzy Leggings

I’ve often thought of myself as a bit of a late bloomer. Kids after 30, still waiting for my boobs to reach their full potential and I have yet to truly figure out Instagram. So it’s no surprise that I’ve only just discovered the joy of jazzy leggings.

OK, so I may have, once or twice, told my husband to hit me over the head if I ever started sporting the jazzy legging look. Something he has thoroughly enjoyed reminding me of on a daily basis, since I now have a pair for everyday of the week! However, in my defense, I truly believe if it wasn’t for this unprecedented, worldwide, global, international, never in our lifetime seen before pandemic, it would never have happened.

Some days, I think these jazzy leggings things are great. I can move, I can jump up and down when celebrating having an actual hot cuppa. They even give me the super power to do four loads of washing per day, home school the First Born while he suffers through ‘bubble isolation’, make Zoom calls, be a professional worker and make totally awesome family meals when there is nowt in the fridge. Other days, I look at myself in the mirror and just shake my head slowly, wondering what happened to my mental state since March and convincing myself I can still be classed as ‘goth’ even in jazzy leggings.

You see, not only did I discover jazzy leggings were the comfiest thing for women, ever. I also realised they hold in wobbly baby tummy bits, they lift bums and even slim legs, that’s some crazy shit, really it is, especially when the creation of three kids has stretched all your good bits. But, I also discovered that leopard print jazzy leggings really do exist, it wasn’t just a myth.

So it would only be fitting that I dedicate a post and an awesome rhyme to my newly discovered love of jazzy leggings.

To all the jazzy leggings Mum’s. The snazzy leggings to hold in our tums Mum’s. When we want a lifted bum, or we’re feeling kind of glum…..

Don’t despair! Just wear…..the craziest pair!

Mix them with knitwear, or slob on the chair, to be fair, we’d get away wearing them any-flippin’-where, oh, go on, do you dare?

They help ease childcare, they make people stare, but who cares! They’re the only decent sort of Mum-outerwear.

They may be rare (and not for goths), but for Mum’s who have flare, that, I declare, it’s only fair, be sure to have spares.

Now, let’s say a prayer, it’s our ‘jazzy leggings affair’! Although, matching footwear, can be a nightmare and don’t get me started on visible underwear.

They hide legs when you’re a grizzly bear and make you feel like you’re walking on air. But, take reasonable care, they tear, then what would you wear?